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Why (adult) people who are being abused choose to stay in abusive relationships is another. Their early history consisted of receiving abuse themselves and/or seeing others abused (one parent abusing the other or their sibling, etc.).Neither of these questions have easy answers and even the strongest attempt to educate yourself as to why people might make these seemingly irrational choices will not lead to complete understanding. The first question, "Why do people abuse other people? As a consequence, abuse is the normal condition of life for these people.The opposite of being a victim is not simply opting out of abuse; it is instead, to be abusive.Given the choice between being the out-of-control victim, or the in-control abuser, some of these people grow up to prefer the role of the abuser.For example, someone with anger management issues, a diagnosis of intermittent explosive disorder, or a drinking or drug problem may easily get out of control during arguments (e.g., because there is something wrong with their ability to inhibit themselves at the brain level) and verbally or physically strike out at their partners and dependents.Still other people who abuse end up abusing because they have an empathy deficit, either because of some sort of brain damage, or because they were so abused themselves as children that their innate empathic abilities never developed properly.That they hurt others in the process may go unregistered or only occur as a dim part of their awareness.
Any two or more sexaholics gathered together for SA sobriety according to SA sobriety definition may call themselves an SA group.
As they become adults, they simply turn this relationship dynamic around and start acting out the "abuser" side of the relationship dynamic they have learned.
By choosing to be the aggressor and abuser, they may get their first sense of taking control over their own destiny and not being at the mercy of others.
Abuse situations must be lived in and experienced before their internal logic makes any sense. Such people internalized a particular relationship dynamic, namely the complementary roles of "abuser" and "victim".
They are familiar with and fully understand the terror of being the helpless victim from their own childhood experience.